Star Struck Style

With just a few weeks left in 2021, it’s that time of the year when anyone with a venue to express themselves starts publishing odes to the year that was. Since nothing of major astrological importance is going to happen to change my mind about 2021, I’m going to get an early start on my own year-end tradition and try to beat everyone else to the punch. Venus does turn retrograde on December 19, and Jupiter does move back into Pisces on December 28, but I don’t expect either of those events to skew my rankings. I’m a Capricorn with a Cancer moon, so it takes me a while to change my mind about anything. It will be springtime before I begin to process the first three months of 2022.

I’m not stubborn, like so many of the signs I’m about to disparage. I’m just set in my ways in a manner that often makes me slow to adapt, yet entirely adaptable. The cardinality that defines my natal chart (I also have Libra as a rising sign), always has me accepting change and moving forward, despite the lack of trailblazing Aries influences in my cosmic makeup. In that respect, I can acknowledge that certain traits of certain individuals might be appealing to me one year, and then repulsive to me the next. This list is about me and my perceptions of the signs at this point in time. Anyone who reads it and gets offended by the way I am feeling at the moment can write their own list — right after they learn to stop taking themselves so seriously. If 2021 has taught me anything, it’s this: stupid people are going to be stupid people whether or not I bother to hear them out, so why bother listening to what they have to say?

Anyway, here are my rankings from worst to first. Enjoy them or don’t. It really doesn’t matter to me.

#12: Libra — With a cavalcade of planets in your solar fifth house throughout the year, you’ve probably been feeling as if you can do no wrong. The problem with that is that you haven’t spend a single moment of 2021 asking yourself if have done anything wrong. You have! You’ve been hard at work ensuring that everything gets done on your terms without even considering anyone else’s terms. It’s lazy, Libra. You’ve been lazy without even realizing how lazy you’ve been.

#11: Gemini — I’m sure that you’re delighted to not be at the bottom of my list for once; a move up is a move up! If you’re going to capitalize upon this momentum you’re gaining, however, you’re going to have to learn that there are some opportunities that you shouldn’t try to capitalize upon. Not everything you do has to benefit you. This is your chance to learn to be more selfless.

#10: Capricorn — Many of my fellow goats have been scrambling to feast upon the scraps of whatever was leftover in the wake of the pandemic. As the saying goes, “You are what you eat,” and you’ve been eating garbage for far too long.

#9: Aquarius — Stop being so fucking stubborn already.

#8: Scorpio — See “Aquarius” above.

#7: Sagittarius — I don’t remember you centaurs bugging me too much over the past year. In fact, I don’t remember much of what you’ve done at all because you’ve been uncharacteristically quiet. I guess there is something to be said for keeping to yourself. 2023 is your year to either get to the top of this list, or to the bottom of this list. We’ll see how I feel about you when you get your “voice” back.

#6: Leo — Unlike a couple of your fellow fixed signs, Aquarius and Scorpio, you haven’t been as stubborn as you can be, and that’s a good thing! I think you’re the absolute worst when dig your heels in and stand your ground for no other reason than to get your own way. I guess it’s lucky for me that you’ve been a little more willing to compromise with others lately, or to just turn your back and walk away when you don’t get your own way. It’s something, right?

#5: Cancer — You may have been inconsiderate without realizing it over the past year, but the rest of us have probably allowed you to chalk it up to your characteristic moodiness. That might not happen so much in the future, so try being a little more thoughtful 24/7. What you do now will become your legacy for years to come.

#4: Virgo — We’ve all needed someone to help pick up the pieces after the pandemic, and you’ve been there for us, Virgo. What you might not realize, though, is that you haven’t been the only one doing the work. Start to acknowledge the contributions of others or you’ll find yourself in much more unfavorable position in the not-too-distant future.

#3: Aries — You’ve been putting your best foot forward for a while now. Keep it up because the whole world is watching, and that includes me. I’ve never said this before, Aries, but I might actually learn something from you.

#2: Taurus — You just never do anything to bug me, and I appreciate that. There is something to be said for consistency.

#1: Pisces — You’ve been a breath of fresh air during a time when sharing air is killing people. The way the planets have lined up, you’ll probably be at the top of this list again next year, too. The only thing that can stop you in 2022 is conviction in your own beliefs when those beliefs are idiotic and ill-founded. In the words of every kook on the internet, “Do your research,” Pisces.