Gretchen Rossi (source: All Things Real Housewives)

Like Libra, the sign I discussed in my previous post, I find myself at a loss to pick a favorite Scorpio housewife because I’m not terribly fond of the choices that are available to me.

Take Bethenny Frankel of “New York,” for example. Who actually likes her? I can understand how some people appreciate what she brings to the show, but does she actually have fans? Perhaps her fellow Scorpions admire her for her caustic personality, her inconsiderate behavior and her inability to let anything go — character traits they possibly share with the venomous creature.

Don’t get me wrong! I don’t despise most Scorpios: just the assholes. I’ve met plenty of them throughout my life, though. The only time I have been hung out to dry in a professional setting was when I failed to do the bidding of a Scorpio superior. What he was asking me to do was unacceptable and well beyond the scope of my contract. I took the matter up the chain, and the next thing I know I was being dismissed for fabricated reasons that had nothing to do with my admitted insubordination. It was character assassination, pure and simple.

Scorpio natives can be character assassins. Take Ramona Singer of “New York” and her infamous Scorpio stinger, for example. She can’t shut her big mouth for more than a couple of seconds. She blabs everyone’s secrets all over town and then plays dumb when confronted by the people she has maligned. That’s a classic Scorpio move! They strike and then retreat into the shadows, acting as if nothing has happened.

Phaedra Parks of “Atlanta” is a Scorpio, too. Rumor has it that she has been fired from the show because of revelations that came to light during the recent season finale. Phaedra was accused of launching a smear campaign against Kandi Burruss, and the shit hit the fan when proof of her surreptitious behavior was caught on camera for the whole world to see. Interestingly, Phaedra’s jailbird ex-husband, Apollo, is also a Scorpio.

Brandi Glanville is another Scorpio housewife who was exiled from the Bravo universe. Again, her deliberate attempts to malign her fellow housewives made her into persona non grata with the rest of the “Beverly Hills” cast. You know that you’re in trouble when the only person who wants to film with you is Kim Richards . . .

That’s quite some list, huh? But there are a couple of Scorpio housewives who don’t seem to be poison for the franchise. Jules Wainstein of “New York” is a Scorpio. I thought that she was sort of hilarious and I was looking forward to getting to know her. It’s too bad that she didn’t get along with the bigger, badder Scorpions on the show.

Gretchen Rossi of “Orange County” is a Scorpio, too. I used to watch “Orange County” just because of Gretchen. She actually displayed many of the positive characteristics of her sign. Again, don’t get me wrong — I don’t despise all Scorpios! I’ve had a few great Scorpio friends. When they express the essence of their zodiac sign in a positive manner they can be passionate, deep, cool and remarkably realistic. Gretchen’s relationship with her dying fiance, Jeff, may have been the most compelling thing I have ever seen on one of these shows. There was a tremendous amount of self-awareness on display by both parties involved, and that’s something you don’t see every day on a “Real Housewives” show. Maybe that’s why Gretchen didn’t last long once Jeff died and she moved onto Slade, another Scorpio. She made a much more interesting cast member when her story line revolved around typical Scorpio subjects: sex, death and other people’s money.

So I’d like to welcome Gretchen to my dream team! I have no idea what she’s doing nowadays, but it would be great if she returned to “Orange County” in the upcoming season. Better yet, there’s a spot open for a Scorpio/Scorpio pair on the “Real Housewives of Atlanta.” I wonder how she feels about relocating?

EDITED TO ADD: A couple of years after I had published this post, Jules’ birthday was confirmed to be February 13. She is an Aquarius, not a Scorpio.

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