Pandora Boxx
Pandora Boxx (World of Wonder)

I’m a terrible blogger. How many times have I typed that after abandoning blogging for a few weeks?

I’ve been busy doing nothing. I’m unemployed for the first time in a decade and it’s been a strange transition to a life that I am not accustomed to living. Now if I was a Taurus instead of a Capricorn, my current state would probably provide me with a welcome opportunity to catch up on “Days of Our Lives” while exploring different ways to cook potatoes. I’ve never met a Taurus native who didn’t like potatoes!

Pandora Boxx probably likes potatoes. Even if she didn’t, she would probably tell me that she did: Taurus natives are pretty easygoing and eager-to-please. I had the opportunity to interview Pandora a couple of times for another blog and she was warm, friendly and charming. You really have to be a bitch to get a Taurus native to live up to the clichés that define the sign. They can put up with a lot of bullshit before they go all bovine and trample you on the way out the door.

Taurus natives just want everyone to get along. They’re lovers, not fighters. They can also be remarkably decadent. Watching Countess Luann falling down drunk on “The Real Housewives of New York” or Kim Zolciak-Biermann getting the fat on her ass zapped with lasers instead of going to the gym on “The Real Housewives of Atlanta” provides an accurate portrait of Taurus decadence.

I don’t know if Pandora really fits that profile. I know that she is very tenacious: a signature Taurus trait. She works all the time. I’m surprised that a Taurus queen travels so much because most of the bulls I know are homebodies. But they aren’t afraid of hard work, and they do like the things that money can buy them, so they aren’t lazy when it comes to making money. However, they can be lazy when it comes to things like personal hygiene and cleaning up their immediate environment. Early astrologers assigned the bull to symbolize the sign because Taurus natives were known for smelling like a barnyard.

I’m kidding, of course. I’m a horoscope writer, not a historian! And I really have no idea how Pandora Boxx smells. She did win “Miss Congeniality” on “RuPaul’s Drag Race: Season 2,” so she couldn’t have smelled that bad. Curiously, another Taurus contestant won that season: Tyra Sanchez. She probably didn’t smell bad, either, but she certainly did stink. I don’t believe that a less-popular queen has ever won the crown.

Anyway, I’m delighted to put Pandora on my Dream Team. She seems to be a fairly accurate representation of many of the better qualities of her zodiac sign. Now if she gains a hundred pounds and becomes a plastic surgery addict in the next few years, she’ll only make my argument stronger. Stay tuned . . .

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