Star Struck Style

I’m not going to apologize for neglecting my blog because I know that I’m probably going to be apologizing again in a couple of weeks. I’m putting the finishing touches on my new book and that has consumed most of my time. Nevertheless, I was inspired to write a post today after reading my Facebook memories. This horoscope written by David Scoroposki on The Cut blog in 2014 was featured:

“Take a break from friendships that have had you stressed out. Consider whether your relationships have reciprocal, positive rapport. Popularity feels great, but it’s not worth it unless your friends actually care about you. You may have “friends” on social media whom you don’t really need to be in touch with — edit your contacts to include only quality relationships.”

Just before reading that, I was on The Cut rolling my eyes into the back of my head while reading another shitty article by Claire Comstock-Gay, the blog’s current astrology writer. Why do I believe that the articles she writes are shitty? Here, have look at this week’s Capricorn horoscope:

“Fear alone can’t make you cruel, and this week it’s important to remember that. Even when you can feel the fear eating a hole in your stomach, even when you can taste its poison seeping into your dreams and your quietest thoughts, you don’t need to be taken down by this. Your bones are made of carbon and of courage, and your blood moves hot and true. The world isn’t strong enough to make you hateful, only to make you strange. You just have to decide which strangeness you’ll choose.”

What the fuck?

Anyway, I don’t want to dwell on that pretentious, incomprehensible piece of crap. However, I do want to point out that David Scoroposki wrote a great weekly horoscope. It was relevant, practical, entertaining and — above all — relatable. I don’t know how an editor could read those two horoscopes and choose to publish the second one. And therein lies the problem.

Editors look at horoscopes as an afterthought. They don’t put any effort into developing a horoscope column that serves their readers. I became an astrologer because of the terrific astrology writers who came before me. People like Sydney Omarr, Michael Lutin, Athena Starwoman and Jackie Stallone captured my attention and made me want to learn more about the craft. One of the reasons that I bought particular magazines was because of the astrology columns. I used to get excited to read my horoscope on The Cut. Now I barely read anyone else’s horoscopes because most of them are so shitty.

I can only blame the editors for the current state of horoscopes. At least Anna Wintour had the guts to cut horoscopes completely from most of the titles she oversees. The rest of these clowns just sign off on these columns because they are too lazy to look for something better.

The Cut has just undergone a major redesign to reflect its current direction. It used to be a funny, playful blog focused on the more-ridiculous aspects of the fashion business. It has grown into a much more serious venture, but it still maintains the sense of humor that made me an avid reader in the first place. I wish that its horoscope reflected the character of the blog. As it stands, it is a blemish on the site: a flaky sore spot that makes me wonder if anyone actually reads the column before they post it online. The Cut could do a lot better.

I remember a time when many horoscope columns included the disclaimer “for entertainment only.” What’s the use of even publishing an astrology column if it’s not entertaining?

As I prepare myself for the rejection I am likely to encounter once I start to look for more writing gigs after my book is published, I am reminded that there was a time when I got calls from “Harper’s Bazaar” and “Nylon” asking me if I wanted to be their astrology columnist. I guess I should be encouraged by my previous experience: when my first book came out, I had the luxury of refusing work because my talent was in demand. There were editors out there who actually cultivated the astrology columns of the publications they managed. Perhaps the stars will align in my favor and I’ll have the opportunity to work for one again.