Almost nothing seemed to go as planned for me in 2020. I didn’t have a great year, but I didn’t expect to have a great year because my chart was terrible. Of course, when I wrote last year’s horoscopes, I didn’t foresee a global pandemic in the stars. To be fair, I don’t practice that sort of astrology. We stargazers specialize in different things, so asking me why I didn’t see COVID-19 on the horizon is like asking a proctologist why you have a toothache.
However, I did predict a bit of a cosmic reset, and we did seem to get that when Donald Trump lost the American election. While my predictions about a financial collapse didn’t ring true, we’ll see what happens over the next few years when the citizens of the USA realize that the so-called “party of fiscal responsibility” has looted their treasury.
But I digress! My specialty is character-based astrology: the kind of stuff that allows me to understand why the “Real Housewives” fight with one another, and why there has never been a Capricorn winner on “RuPaul’s Drag Race.” Nevertheless, I do like to publish these horoscopes once a year as a gesture of thanks to the people who visit my blog.
Please enjoy them and feel free to share them with your friends on social media. Also, if you don’t like what I have to say about your sign, please don’t ask to talk to the manager. If there’s one thing that 2020 taught us, it’s that things are tough all over. The Age of Aquarius is here and no one wants to listen to your complaints anymore.
Aries: Going nowhere fast isn’t exactly your style: you like the feeling you get when you have a little momentum behind you. So, if 2020 didn’t move fast enough, you’ll be happy to know that within the first week of the year it’s full speed ahead for you and your fellow rams. What makes this year different, though, is that you’re likely take someone along for the ride. Close friendships are highlighted, and in early October you might even find a new romantic partner in the passenger seat. Just remember that you’re not the only one who likes to be behind the wheel. If anything runs you off the road in 2021, it will be your misguided belief that relinquishing control is the same thing as stepping on the brakes.
Taurus: In a year when almost nothing worked out as planned, most of you bulls made headway by putting your nose to the grindstone and just dealing with whatever you were asked to do. While that scenario will likely continue as 2021 gets underway, things are about to change. It’s not your herd mentality that will take you places over the next several months, but rather a more visionary approach to your profession (and everything else, for that matter). With Venus, your ruling planet, in direct motion through December, the only impediment to your success is being penned-in by the notion that past performance equals future success. It might go against your nature, Taurus, but don’t allow complacency to become your brand in the upcoming year.
Gemini: If 2020 was the “Year of the Karen,” it was because people like you couldn’t stop asking to speak to the manager. Fortunately, the rest of us stopped listening to you sometime in 2019. So, if you want your complaints to be taken seriously again, start writing them down in a journal. Then give yourself a day or two to reconsider what you’re trying to say. Is your purpose in life to simply get your own way, or is there another reason why you haven’t been able to let anything go? You’ll be surprised by what you figure out when you put a little distance between yourself and your grievances. You’ll also be surprised by how much more everyone else likes you when you’re not finding fault in everything they do.
Cancer: Having a hard shell came in handy over the past year. No matter how turbulent the weather got, you just went about your business, side-stepping any obstacles the universe put in your path. However, you can’t pretend that 2020 didn’t take a toll on you crustaceans and your mushy insides. Even if you don’t recognize the impact of the current cosmic climate on your demeanor, everyone around you can see the difference. A change of scenery may help you to adopt a brighter outlook in late spring, but try to remember that the biggest transformation will only occur when you warm up to the idea that you’re not the same crab you used to be. Embrace the new you. In 2022, you’ll find your place in the sun.
Leo: Statesmanship can be tricky for you lions because you demand loyalty, even when you don’t deserve it. For the next couple of years, however, the tables will be turned. Some of your allies will ask themselves what they are getting out of their relationships with you, while others will simply walk away. Maybe they’ll find their way back to you, and maybe they won’t. Whatever happens, try to negotiate an amicable settlement whenever you can. If 2020 has taught us anything, it is that you can never have too many people on your side. Making enemies now because you’re too stubborn to compromise is a surefire way to alienate yourself from the rest of the world for years to come.
Virgo: Much to your delight, you’ll be starting 2021 with a clean slate. And even when things don’t go as planned, you’ll be lucky to have an eraser in your hand to simply wipe out whatever needs to be rescheduled. Adaptability to changing circumstance will not only define you in the upcoming year, but your mutable nature will make you stand out amongst a bunch of people who just want everything to get “back to normal.” Don’t allow anyone else to make plans for you in late spring, or you might find that they’ve been using permanent marker when your instincts have taught you to use chalk. Instead, keep your plans to yourself until the sun enters your sign in late summer. You can collaborate again — if that’s what you want to call it — in 2022.
Libra: Your role as the zodiac’s chief diplomat has taken a toll on you. You’ve been so focused upon keeping the peace in a time of crisis that you’ve forgotten what it’s like to actually represent your own best interests. And what are those interests? Why not start with world domination? A leadership vacuum may find you thrust into a position of power in February. While the summer months may prove to be somewhat less intriguing, try to work within the system to enact change. If you put in the effort, no one will need to question how quickly you rose to the top. A new world order is on the horizon in 2021, led by people like you who have the desire to cooperate with others. They don’t need to know that you’ll be plotting their demise in 2024.
Scorpio: Being socially isolated probably didn’t bother you as much as it bothered the other creatures of the zodiac: most of you scorpions don’t mind being left alone. But as the world starts to get back to normal in 2021 thanks to the new vaccines, you’re going to have be careful that you don’t lash out at people who get a shot before you do – both figuratively and literally. Dealing with jealousy may be your biggest challenge as the year begins. Once March arrives, you’ll start to feel as if your time has come, and you’ll be right. You’re going to get to the front of the lineup just as the stars are ready to shine on you again. Trust in the universe to take care of you now, even if you’re still feeling the side-effects of the previous year.
Sagittarius: You may feel like shouting from the rooftops as the year begins, but maybe try getting up on a soapbox first. Better yet, turn to Twitter to learn to share your thoughts in 260 characters or less. Edit your message, get to the point, and whatever you do, don’t feed the trolls who live in the comments section. Becoming a better communicator is in your stars in the new year if you can just stay on message. Sometimes that means ignoring the voices of people who would tell you that the grass is blue and the sky is green. If they want to live in a world of alternative facts, that’s their prerogative. If you want to block them so that you don’t have to listen to their bullshit, that’s your prerogative.
Capricorn: 2020 was supposed to be your year. Things may not have turned out as planned, but were they really that bad? As the saying goes, “hindsight is 20/20.” Looking back, you should have a clear picture of what challenged you during the pandemic, and what actually became easier for you. Perhaps you were stuck at home, but maybe you caught up on all those chores that you’ve put off for years. Perhaps you couldn’t go to the gym, but maybe you learned how to get a good workout on your own. If perspective had a dollar value, you’d be rich. And now that 2021 is here, you can focus on how to actually get rich. The world has changed and there are opportunities everywhere you look. It’s all in the optics, Capricorn.
Aquarius: I’ve had plenty of Aquarius friends over the course of my lifetime. If there is one thing that they all have in common, it is this: if you give them good advice, they will often do exactly the opposite of what you tell them just to prove that they can. For that reason, I don’t even know what to tell you in a year when you have the stars on your side. Should I use reverse psychology and advise you to hide in a bunker for the next twelve months? Or should I encourage you to fly your freak flag wherever and whenever you can? 2021 is your year! The only thing that can stop you from making this the “Age of Aquarius” is the mistaken belief that being contrary is the same thing as being true to yourself.
Pisces: A pile-up of planets in your Pisces-ruled twelfth house will have feeling as if you’re swimming with the current as the year begins. But when Jupiter joins Neptune in your sign for a few months in the middle of May, you might continue to move in sync with all the other fishes, or you might feel too cool for school and swim off on your own. In either scenario, you can trust your instincts to push you in the right direction for the next couple of years. The important thing is to keep moving; there is a possibility that you may get lost in self-reflection now. Stick close to the surface and enjoy what’s right in front of you in 2021, whether that’s hanging out with your fishy friends or any other simple pleasures of life.