April 12 is J. Alexander’s birthday.
When I’m watching “Real Housewives” shows, I’ve always got the zodiac signs of the “housewives” on my mind. For instance, during last night’s episode of “The Real Housewives of New York,” Dorinda Medley mentioned that she forgives just as easily as she starts a fight because she is a Sagittarius. Later in show, during a preview for next week’s episode, Dorinda was shown screaming at her fellow Sagittarius, Sonja Morgan, whom she had offered an olive branch earlier in the episode.
Anyway, I love to see those sun-sign dynamics playing out exactly the way that they should on these reality shows. For a long time, “America’s Next Top Model” was a perfect example of astrology in action.
Tyra Banks is a Sagittarius. Jay Manuel is a Leo. Miss J. Alexander is an Aries. Together, these three individuals, all born under fire signs, brought the heat to every episode of “Top Model.” In it’s glory days, it was reality television’s best guilty pleasure.
Sure, there have been other memorable personalities associated with the show, but the fiery triumvirate of Tyra Banks, Mr. Jay and Miss J. was unmatched. Watching the finale for Cycle 24 earlier this week, I was just annoyed by the current panel consisting of a Cancer (Law Roach), a Scorpio (Ashley Graham) and a Taurus (Drew Elliott). There was no heat — just posturing for the camera and incessant bitching over things that didn’t matter.
I suppose there have been worse judges on the show. Two Libras, Twiggy and Andre Leon Talley, were as wishy washy as they could be. Nigel Barker, another Taurus, was competent but never a standout personality. Aquarius native Janice Dickinson was a cartoon super-villain, just like Cycle 24’s guest star designer Philipp Plein, confirming my lifelong assertion that grouchy Aquarians are the fucking worst.
Paulina Porizkova, my favorite judge of all time, is an Aries, just like Miss J. Unfortunately, her typical Aries ego clashed with the legendary self-importance of Tyra herself, and she found herself fired from the show.
To me, the departure of these individuals with fiery sun signs marked the beginning of the end for “Top Model.” The show has failed to evolve since then because it has failed to recognize that it was never all that important in the first place, and that its greatest asset was the unintentional comedy achieved during its most-entertaining cycles: Cycle 3 and Cycle 6. What it needs to survive now is a heavy dose of self-awareness.
It was there when there were Aries natives in Tyra’s orbit. Without them, it’s just not the same. I honestly don’t know what can save it now. All I know is that this week’s finale was nothing but a letdown in a season that was nothing but a letdown. I don’t know how ANTM can get any worse.