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Anna Wintour (source: The Cut)

On November 3, I posted a groundbreaking article comparing each zodiac sign with the type of cheese that suits them best. I guess that I was so pleased with myself that I didn’t even realize that it was Anna Wintour’s birthday.

I used to work for Anna Wintour. I actually worked for Amy Astley who worked for Anna Wintour. Wait! I actually worked for a couple of junior editors who worked for Amy Astley who worked for Anna Wintour. The hierarchy at Condé Nast is deep and quite well-organized.

I wasn’t surprised when I looked at Anna Wintour’s natal chart and found that she has an Aries moon, both Mars and Saturn in Virgo, and Jupiter in Capricorn. It’s kind of a hard-assed chart. Her horoscope not only paints of portrait of someone who thrives in a disciplined organization, but also someone who is able to place a fair amount of professional distance between herself and the people who work for her.

In my new book, I mention that Wintour exclaims that she hates horoscopes in the video “73 Questions with Anna Wintour” on the “Vogue” website. I also admit that I wish I had lasted a little longer at “Teen Vogue” because I believe that I would have been able to prove to Anna Wintour that not all astrologers are full of shit.

Unfortunately, as I stated a few weeks back in my post “Why Your Horoscope is So Shitty,” most magazine editors look at horoscopes as an afterthought. They hire terrible writers who are unable to craft a product that aligns with the creative direction of their publications. I may have struggled at “Teen Vogue” because of the contrary direction I regularly received while the magazine was in its infancy, but I was also the first person to admit that my voice as a writer was probably not a good fit for a title directed at kids. Even when I’m comparing zodiac signs to cheese, I’m a little more sophisticated than your average twelve-year-old.

Nevertheless, it was a great gig. It’s the sort of thing I would be thrilled to do again if I was able to share my unique vision with adults. “Vanity Fair” used to have a great horoscope written by the incomparable Michael Lutin. When a new editor-in-chief is finally installed at “Vanity Fair,” I’m going to reach out to the magazine. I guess I just have to worry about whether or not Anna Wintour’s disdain for my discipline is going to keep horoscopes out of Condé Nast titles altogether. I hope not. Her chart may reveal a character who runs a tight ship, but it certainly doesn’t indicate that she is lacking in vision. Frankly, I’m a little more visionary than most of the flakes who call themselves astrologers. If “The Zodiac Signs as Cheeses” doesn’t prove that, I don’t know what will.

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