Cheeses (source: Wisconsin Cheese)

As an astrologer, I often feel as if I am doing the work of a higher cosmic power. Only someone with a blessed mind like mine could wrap his head around such a profound, lofty topic. I suppose that’s why I feel as if I need to share my gifts with you. That’s me — I live to give.

Anyway, here’s a brief list of the zodiac signs as cheeses. You can thank me in the comments section.


Cheddar (source: cheese.com)

You’re a bold one, Aries, with a self-assured character that only gets stronger with age. Unfortunately, most of us also know you as a rather juvenile individual who likes to overpower his or her competitors. Despite your independent nature, you pair up with others well.


Mozzarella (source: cheese.com)

Known for your tenacity, you reliably spring back when stretched to your limits. You have a fresh personality that can be appealing, and the people you meet often want to eat you up. Although you are quite decadent, you are anything but haughty.


Velveeta (source: Kraft)

You are a little of this, and a little of that. In fact, it is difficult for the rest of us to figure out exactly what you are. Nevertheless, you can be anything you want to be if you can just convince everyone else to believe you. You like to think outside the box.


Camembert (source: cheese.com)

Your hardened exterior belies how soft you are on the inside. Despite your inconsistencies, you maintain a bearing that can only be described as dependable. Others may try to improve upon your tried-and-true formula, but you know that you can never be replaced.


Smoked Gouda (source: Mike Geno on cheese.com)

You stand out from the crowd because you adore being the center of attention. While many of us can’t get enough of you, there are people out there who believe you are just too much. Try to win over your detractors little by little rather than overpowering them.


Swiss (source: cheese.com)

There is something distinctly different about the way you are put together. You are probably nuttier than most people realize, yet you give the impression that you are orderly and somewhat rigid. Try to lighten up sometimes; you’re not as heavy as you think you are.


Marble (source: Walmart)

You like to be all things to all people, and that results in a personality that is crafted to be as inoffensive as possible. Nevertheless, most of us could learn a thing or two from your people-pleasing nature. Your good taste is as dependable as the day is long.


Blue Cheese
Blue Cheese (source: cheese.com)

The love/hate relationship others have with you is legendary. You often feel as if your character has been maligned by individuals who have not given you a fair shake. If they did get to know you, they would soon learn that you are not as bad as you’ve been made out to be.


Parmesan (source: Wisconsin Cheese)

You can fill a room with your presence, especially when you’re heated. However, that doesn’t make you any less endearing. People like you because of your bold, individual character and the way that you make yourself fit into almost any situation.


Feta (source: cheese.com)

You’re in a league of your own, and you know it. Others may criticize you for your somewhat salty character, but that doesn’t shake your confidence. You would rather crumble completely than change your personality to please others.


Kraft Singles (source: Walmart)

Individuality becomes you, Aquarius. You’re inimitable – even controversial – yet you thrive in group settings where you are contributing to the common good. Nevertheless, you do have a tendency to become detached from your own kind.


Five Cheese Blend (source: Walmart)

It is difficult to figure you out because you are so mixed up. Still, there is something quite delightful about your anything-goes nature. Don’t allow yourself to become too scattered because you can lose your character as a result.

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