Lisa Rinna
Lisa Rinna (source: E!)

One of the most interesting things about the women who appear on Bravo’s “Real Housewives” shows is how polarizing they can be. I typically enjoy going to online fan sites to discuss my beloved reality shows, but I have to stay away from “Housewives” forums because of the nasty comments. They’re just TV shows! People need to stop taking everything so seriously.

Lisa Rinna of “Beverly Hills” is one of those polarizing characters, and to me she is a textbook Cancer. The hallmark trait of Cancer natives is defensiveness — a quality Rinna demonstrates on a regular basis. She’s defensive of her own character, but even more defensive of her family. Her most infamous moment on the show came when she smashed a wine glass in order to put an end to Kim Richards idiotic attempt to malign the reputation of Harry Hamlin, Lisa’s husband. In fact, many of her most memorable scenes have co-starred Kim Richards and another Virgo housewife, Lisa Vanderpump. Rinna likes to hold a mirror up to her cast mates, and the last thing a Virgo wants to see is an accurate reflection of themselves when they are, in fact, behaving badly.

Rinna also serves up a buffet of other typical Cancer traits. She likes to show a lot of cleavage. She has a hair style that often has people wondering if she’s wearing a wig. She’s moody and she makes no apologies when her mood turns on a dime. She prizes loyalty almost more than any other quality in her friends, and she will defend their privilege to feel they way they do when they believe they are being attacked. She’s also a bit of a homebody. Some of the women on these shows live in homes that feel anything but homey. I get the idea that Lisa Rinna likes nothing more than waking up in the morning in the home that she has created with her family. The security that most Cancer individuals crave is often represented in a stable domestic life.

Erika Jayne is also a Cancer, and it was difficult for me to pick a favorite between Lisa Rinna and her fellow “Beverly Hills” housewife. Erika reminds me of the sort of “broad” who would have been a big star in the 1940s, like Barbara Stanwyck, another Cancer native. She’s often accused of coming off as “cold,” which is no surprise for a Cancer woman who has learned to master her emotions by wearing a facade of cool indifference. Dorit Kemsley is a Cancer, too. I don’t know what to say about Dorit that hasn’t already been said by her fellow housewives. Every time she opens her mouth I want to scream “SHUT UP, DORIT!”

Porsha Williams of “Atlanta” is a Cancer, as well. Her defensiveness has become a big part of her shtick on the show. Katie Rost and Charisse Jackson Jordan of “Potomac” share the same sign. Charisse’s attitude bugs the hell out of me, but watching her have a few vulnerable moments on recent episodes of the show makes me believe that she’s a lot mushier on the inside than she pretends to be. That’s a textbook Cancer for you! Brandi Redmond from “Dallas” is a Cancer, too. She may be an open book when compared to many of the women I have mentioned, but she’s also younger than most of them. Once a Cancer woman masters her “laughing on the outside, crying on the inside” defensive persona, it’s unusual for her shell to crack in public.

Now, back to Lisa Rinna. At the beginning of this post, I mentioned that “Real Housewives” fans can be obnoxious people. I don’t care what anyone thinks of my pairing of Lisa and Eileen Davidson on my Zodiac Dream Team. I love to see the two of them together, especially when Erika Jayne is along for the ride. And now that Erika Jayne has appeared on “The Young and the Restless,” she can consider herself a bona fide soap actress: the kind that a “movie star” like Kim Richards looks down upon. I want the next season of “Beverly Hills” to open where the latest reunion left off, with Lisa, Eileen and Erika sitting around at Erika’s mansion, making a blood oath never to mention Kim’s name again. I can dream, can’t I?

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