Jessica Biel (source: UsWeekly)

March 3 is Jessica Biel’s birthday.

This is a photo from last weekend’s red carpet at the Oscars. I didn’t post anything about the event because I don’t give a rat’s ass about red carpet fashion. For a while, I used to be a regular on a local news channel after the award shows. While I appreciate the opportunity I was given, criticizing what others are wearing isn’t really my style. Sure, I was quick on my feet and I could crack a joke when the occasion called for it, but my heart was never really in it.

I’m more interested in what people choose to wear every day. That’s the Capricorn in me — we are quite practical, after all. In fact, I have something against “special occasion” dressing in general. I believe it’s stupid to waste money on things that have no mileage in my wardrobe. I don’t have a tuxedo lifestyle, and I don’t own a tuxedo, either.

That doesn’t mean that I can’t appreciate someone who does live a more-glamorous lifestyle than me, like Jessica Biel. Still, it’s hard to appreciate the stylistic choices of someone who was most likely paid to wear the KaufmanFranco dress she’s wearing in the photo. She looks gorgeous; this was my favorite look of the night, tied with Charlize Theron’s Dior gown and her breathtaking Chopard earrings. Yet Biel should look gorgeous. She’s a beautiful woman in a beautiful dress with a $2,000,000 Tiffany necklace around her neck. If you can’t work with that, you should probably stay off the red carpet.

Anyway, I should be discussing Jessica Biel’s astrological chart. She’s got a Pisces sun and a Gemini moon. I have a friend with the same combo who has been in and out of psychiatric care for the past couple of years. Kanye West has the same combo inverted: Sun in Gemini and moon in Pisces. It just says CRAZY to me. I know nothing about her, though, so that’s not the fairest assessment. Nevertheless, I’m expecting her to fly off the handle soon. What’s more, she’s got a third house sun and a third house Mercury just like me. She’s probably writing a blog right this moment, attempting to express herself creatively while inadvertently bringing attention to her tenuous mental state — just like me.

More about that to come . . .

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