2018 American Ballet Theatre Spring Gala
Sutton Stracke (source: Cheat Sheet)

The “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” has never been without a Virgo cast member. And just as the last two Virgo cast members have exited the show (Lisa V. and Camille), another one has entered — if I can believe my sources.

Yesterday, a little bird who has some connections to the “Real Housewives” franchise told me that Sutton Stracke is a Virgo. If that is true, it’s kind of hilarious. I found a birthday of September 21, 1970 listed on a couple of websites, but that doesn’t mean anything. I come across incorrect birthdays on a regular basis.

Nevertheless, it does make sense that she is a Virgo. In both of my books, I often describe the worst-dressed Virgo women as lacking in the capacity for self-reflection. They can be remarkably critical while simultaneously refusing to turn the mirror on themselves.

Why would I say that about Sutton? Because I saw the episode where she visited the NYC apartment of Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabbana to try on couture pieces only to emerge in the ugliest fucking outfit I could possibly imagine. No self-respecting couturier in the world would allow a client to defame their good name by leaving a salon looking like that. Nothing about that sheer pink blouse and matching bra flattered Sutton’s figure. In fact, it made her look like a pubescent eleven year old who got into her grandma’s closet. Custom fitting is the backbone of couture, and that shit didn’t fit.

Only a Virgo would look into a mirror and only see the label. They can be the worst label whores in the entire zodiac because they can’t see past it. Erika Jayne can see past it though, and in one of her confessionals she already threw some much-deserved shade Sutton’s way regarding her Alexis Mabile couture blouse. It was another poor choice. She doesn’t have the shoulders to pull off these looks.

Anyway, I’m going to give Sutton the benefit of the doubt before I decide whether or not I like seeing her on RHOBH. She is a cat person, after all. Also, I’ve been enjoying the season so far, especially watching Kyle pretending to put on a fashion show without doing any of the work to put on a fashion show. What’s up with these broads and their runway debuts? Last night’s episode of the “Real Housewives of New York” had Sonja Morgan debuting her new line in a disorganized show that almost rivaled the infamous “She by Shereé” fashion show with no fashions! I’d rather listen to Denise Richards’ husband rambling on about “Big Pharma” than listen to Sonja Morgan extolling the virtues of her “lifestyle brand.”

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go put my Lisa Rinna dusters in the wash . . .

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