Isaac Newton (source: Discover)

Just the other day, I got a Facebook Memories reminder to let me know that I had published a post about Sir Isaac Newton on a blog I used to write. The reason I was writing about the man that mathematician Joseph-Louis Lagrange called “the greatest genius who ever lived” was that I had figured out how to use the search feature on to compare my birth chart with the birth charts of a bunch of famous people whose charts are recorded in the database.

The criteria I used to search started with my sun, moon and rising sign. I was able to add Mercury to the mix before I ran out of options (the search feature only allows for four separate criteria to be entered into the search engine). Isaac Newton’s chart was not only the first chart to be displayed, but also the only chart that included a third house sun and a ninth house moon, like my chart. His natal Mercury was in the second house instead of the third house like mine, but his Venus in Aquarius in the fourth and his Saturn in Pisces in the fifth also matched up with mine. Like me, he also had Neptune in the second house.

That’s an awful lot to have in common! Of course, I am a genius, too — I have the Mensa card to prove it! I’m also a big advocate of science, but I dabble in metaphysical stuff on the side. I don’t make excuses for it, either. I believe that it’s the stuff we can’t see that makes life worth living. I don’t understand how people can go through life without faith in something.

I read through Newton’s bio. I guess that he never married. That was never my plan, but that’s where I ended up, anyway. I’m not opposed to marriage. In fact, I’m constantly advertising my availability to any and all wealthy Americans who would like to immigrate to Canada to escape the Trump administration. Yes, I can be bought.

Another thing we have in common is our fondness for gravity. His relationship with the subject was more academic, though. I just enjoy the company of people with “gravitas.” I like apples, too. If the illustration I posted above is accurate, we both like to wear our collars open. When I had hair, mine was quite curly, too.

The similarities are uncanny! And yet I’m still not the living legend that Isaac Newton was in his lifetime. I guess that I can only blame you: the people who still are not putting me on a pedestal. While it would delight me to know that people were still talking about me nearly four hundred years after my death, it would be nicer if you all recognized my brilliance during my lifetime.

It just begs the question: what’s wrong with all of you?

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