Yesterday, I published a post discussing how perspective is helping me to become a better astrologer. By understanding the cycles in my own life, I am able to impart that knowledge to anyone who happens to stumble across anything I have written over the past couple of decades.
I also discussed my current state of mind. I seem to be vacillating between tremendous self-confidence and crippling self-doubt lately — often within the same breath. In that post, I did attribute this uncharacteristic attitude to Saturn’s transit to my natal Mercury. Saturn is like a wet blanket, but as a Capricorn I typically don’t let it bother me too much. Right now I feel as if I am actively plotting a way out from underneath that soggy blanket, only I can’t decide which direction provides me with the most practical escape route.
I have felt like this before. I’m not a depressed person, but I have had a couple of moments in the past where I have felt an overwhelming sense of discontent. I couldn’t pinpoint the first time I felt this way, but with the help of the internet, I was able to ascertain when this “episode” occurred.
It was 1988. I was working at the restaurant I had worked at for years. I took over a manager’s job, believing that having the security of routine in my life was going to make me happy. It didn’t. Because of that job, I actually stopped doing a lot of things that did make me happy, like working out. The only thing that got me through it was plotting my escape route. I applied to university, and soon after I was living a life that was far more satisfying to me.
When I went looking for photos to illustrate this post, I came across this picture of Debbie Gibson’s single, “Shake Your Love.” I had a love/hate relationship with Debbie Gibson at the time because I thought that she was terrible. Still, terrible things make me laugh. “Shake Your Love” still makes me laugh to this day. I went looking through other cultural milestones from 1988, and I barely came up with anything that evoked good memories for me. My discontent ran deep for a few months during that time.
It’s interesting to look back and find that this Saturn cycle has repeated itself in such a familiar fashion: I hate music right now. Thankfully, this era is coming to an end. Over the next couple of weeks, the ringed planet will inch toward Capricorn, moving into the sign on December 20. The last time this happened, my discontent abated quite quickly. Even popular culture began to show me signs that I was moving in the right direction. 1989-1991 are my proverbial “Golden Years” as far as music is concerned. It’s when I started to hear what I wanted to hear again. I don’t want to say that I started to perceive things in a more-positive manner back then, because that’s not what I believe. I do believe that the universe started to give me what I wanted once Saturn entered Capricorn. I can honestly say that when I reflect upon this time of my life.
I probably sound crazy, but people believe a lot of crazier shit than me. It is nice that age has also endowed me with the fortitude to not give a fuck about what other people think of me and my crazy belief system. Growing older is the most liberating thing anyone can do. For an astrologer like me, it should also be the hallmark feature of my résumé. I can’t imagine doing what I am doing without the perspective age that has afforded me.