Marlo
Marlo Hampton (source: Bravo)

I find myself offering a disclaimer almost every time I begin discussing Aquarius. The reason for that is that I believe most astrologers get off on the wrong foot when they begin a rundown of the characteristics of the eleventh zodiac sign. They seem to want to believe that most Aquarius natives are far more spiritually evolved than they actually are. I rarely see that quality expressed in most of the Aquarius individuals I meet. In fact, of all the Aquarius friends I’ve ever had, only one of them was a genuine grown-up with a generous spirit who could teach me something about life.

Wow! That sounds harsh! Yet I’m not going to take it back because I know what I know: Aquarius is a fixed sign that is ruled by Saturn. Those are harsh, rigid influences when they are applied to every other sign, so why do astrologers forget them when they are discussing Aquarius?

One of the reasons for that is Uranus, the sign’s co-ruler. Uranus imparts the Aquarian natives it influences with a personality that is quirky, sociable and ready for anything — quite the opposite of the grouch I described just a moment ago. And then there is the placement of the sun within the natal chart. The sun is already at its weakest in the sign. Poorly-placed through the houses or afflicted by other aspects, it can place very low on the list of factors affecting one’s personality, allowing features such as the rising sign to prevail.

But I digress! I’m supposed to be discussing “The Real Housewives.” Only two Aquarius women have been full-time housewives: Kenya Moore of “Atlanta” and Lizzie Rovsek of “Orange County.” I know nothing about Lizzie Rovsek except that she only lasted a single season. Kenya Moore, on the other hand, has been bringing her own brand of evil to Atlanta for a while now. And since she came to town, “Atlanta” has gone from my favorite “Real Housewives” show to the one I’m ready to quit.

Kenya is despicable. She’s not a good representative of the positive qualities of her zodiac sign. She’s not a good representative of anything positive. She’s a manipulative, hypocritical fame-whore who goads people into bad situations and then throws her arms into the air crying “it wasn’t me” when she was caught red-handed the moment before.

Aquarius natives should be independent, original, cerebral, sociable and kindhearted. If Kenya exhibits any of those qualities, it’s only for a brief moment. Most of the time she is like a thirteen year-old: smart enough to know that she’s stirring up shit, yet without the conscience that most human beings develop in their teenage years. Kids that age are exceptionally cruel, but they’re also still kids so society is required to cut them some slack. Kenya seems to be stuck there, and her inability to evolve emotionally beyond that age is disturbing.

For that reason, I’ve decided to choose her latest arch-rival, “friend of the housewives” Marlo Hampton, as the latest addition to my zodiac dream team. Marlo is also an Aquarius. She’s also an awful lot like Kenya, but she isn’t Kenya and for that I am grateful. Sometimes you just have to take what you can get.

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