This is Hyperion, one of Saturn’s moons. Because I don’t really practice mundane astrology, I’m not certain that it’s going to leave it’s orbit and come hurtling towards earth in 2017, but I have my suspicions. We’ll just have to wait and see!
What I do practice is character-based astrology. I look at charts and tell people about themselves. I also write sun-sign horoscopes, often with a fashion focus. Sometimes, I even get paid for it. I’ve been a contract columnist for Condé Nast, Hearst, American Media and more.
I’m looking for work. I miss writing horoscopes. If you like what you see here, please do me a favor and share this post with your friends. Eventually, someone has to notice what I’m doing, right? I just hope it happens before Hyperion hits . . .
Aries: The urge to break free from the hive will be your theme for much of the year. But with many of the planetary retrogrades messing with your sense of self-worth throughout late winter and early spring, you will be better off accepting that every colony needs its worker bees. Go about your business as usual and try not to create an unnecessary buzz. Once summer arrives and the flowers start to bloom, you’ll begin to feel like yourself again. Hard work and self-discipline will begin to pay off by mid-October, and once Saturn enters your career sector in late December, the sting of 2017 will be nothing but a distant memory. In the meantime, try to be more like Lady Gaga in Brandon Maxwell and less like Lady Gaga in Gucci. Those embroidered bumblebees are sweet, but is sweet really your thing? Honey, I don’t think so!
Your Fashion Mantra for 2017: Design, not decoration, is what makes me shine.
Taurus: Dreams of verdant pastures will occupy your thoughts as the year begins. You’ve been feeling penned-up lately, and that’s why the grass looks so much greener on the other side of the fence. Still, try to keep all four hooves on the ground through mid-March. You’ll reap cosmic rewards from a down-to-earth approach, and by June you’ll start to notice little blessings all around you. The sky looks bluer. The clouds look fluffier. Are you dreaming? Nope. It’s just your turn to believe that everything is right in the universe. So make hay while the sun is shining; just don’t forget to eat it, too. In mid-October, when your ruminations turn to romance, you’ll need all the energy you can get. And as 2017 draws to a close, you’ll have to wander even further to find whatever it is that nourishes your soul.
Your Fashion Mantra for 2017: Fashion is fleeting, but beauty is eternal.
Gemini: What if “Showgirls” had an alternative ending where Cristal Connors and Nomi Malone chose to work together? Would “Goddess” still be running in Vegas today? Maybe! Cooperation is your theme for the upcoming year. If you can keep your ego in check, you might discover that all those younger, hungrier girls coming down the stairs behind you want nothing more than to share the spotlight with the star of the show. Until mid-October, subordinating your needs for the good of the production will keep you from stumbling over your own feet and injuring your reputation. After that, you might just find something new and exciting to work on. Be a role model to those who look up to you, and by next year at this time a Karmic payoff could be following you down the stairs, darlin’.
Your Fashion Mantra for 2017: I will behave myself while everyone is watching.
Cancer: The cliché of Cancer as a homebody won’t seem so undeserved as the year begins. But whether you’re feathering your nest for your own comfort or for the comfort of others, a significant change of focus occurs around June 21 when both the sun and Mercury join Mars in your sign. For one glorious month, the urge to spread your wings and fly could take you to places you never believed you could go. Don’t chicken-out while the stars are on your side because being cooped-up in the same old surroundings won’t seem so satisfying later in the year. When Jupiter moves into your solar fifth house in mid-October, the zodiac’s pecking order will change. Suddenly, the only thing keeping you from soaring to new heights is your suspicion that things are too good to be true. Don’t waste this opportunity wondering why you have wings in the first place.
Your Fashion Mantra for 2017: I am confident that I possess self-confidence.
Leo: With Saturn making its last stand in your solar fifth house throughout 2017, you might be wondering how your life got to be so normal. That’s not going to change soon, so don’t try to be controversial just to be controversial. What you’re doing behind-the-scenes will start to make sense later in the year. The comeback trail may be an uphill climb, but the hard work will do you good. When you finally start to make a master plan for 2018, you’ll do it with a newfound sense of realism borne from conviction in your recent accomplishments rather than blind faith in the strength of your character. There’s nothing wrong with your character, Leo, but it might be nice to have a résumé on hand that highlights something more than your glory days.
Your Fashion Mantra for 2017: I can adapt to my current situation.
Virgo: It’s all too easy for you to worry about what other people think of you. Your self-worth, however, works like a mirror. When you’re receiving positive vibes from others, you reflect the image of someone who is also positive. When you project negativity, that comes back to you, too. However, the former scenario is more likely as 2017 gets underway. Yet when Jupiter goes retrograde in your second house in early February until the beginning of June, it might become difficult for you to exchange the affirmative rays you’ve been soaking up lately. You might want to stockpile your cosmic blessings in order to save them up for a rainy day. That is not a wise strategy, Virgo. Be on your best behavior because everyone wants to see their own goodness reflected through you. You’re a role model at the moment. Act like one.
Your Fashion Mantra for 2017: I don’t need labels because I am my own brand.
Libra: How do you explain luck? You don’t, really. Trying to figure out why you’re the current recipient of so many cosmic blessings will just frustrate you, anyway. You may want to believe that you’ve done something to deserve your good fortune, but the universe works doesn’t always work that way. When lucky Jupiter leaves your sign in mid-October, lucky Venus takes its place. When it moves onward, Mars gives you a boost of energy and self-confidence that carries you through the rest of the year. Still, trying to make sense of it all is your theme for 2017. Keep a journal if that helps, but don’t put too much thought into the mechanics of fate. Sometimes things just work out in your favor, Libra. Be thankful when they do.
Your Fashion Mantra for 2017: Looking good is great, but feeling good is better.
Scorpio: Hanging on to what you’ve got is a little too easy for you. Once you’ve got something in your claws, it’s difficult for you to let it go. That’s not going to change in 2017 unless you consciously make an effort to be less possessive. You’re on the cusp of a major transformation – scorpions do shed their skins, after all. Yet the one thing that’s holding you back is the paranoid belief that nothing can replace whatever it is that you’re hanging on to. Huge shifts in the solar system late in the year will change your perception and alleviate your fears, but what are you supposed to do in the meantime? Be nice to everyone you meet. Get your cosmic house in order. Prepare for a day when Karma catches up with you. In a year from now, you won’t believe how far you’ve made it without using your stinger.
Your Fashion Mantra for 2017: Don’t dream it, be it.
Sagittarius: Every two-and-a-half years, Saturn moves from one sign to another. When it first enters your sign, it makes you think that the universe is holding you back. By the time it leaves your sign, it makes you believe that you’ve learned a valuable lesson from your oppression. It’s sort of like an “After School Special” that just goes on and on and on. You patiently wait for the moral of the story only to realize that you knew exactly what was coming from the very beginning. You’re no idiot, Sagittarius, so why not just skip to the ending. 2017 will be much more rewarding if you admit to yourself that not everything can go your way. Stop lecturing people on social media, stop policing the behavior of others and start acting as if your conduct has consequences. It always does.
Your Fashion Mantra for 2017: Fashion does not oppress me.
Capricorn: A cicada is a bug that emerges from the ground every seventeen years, making a spectacle of itself as it sings noisily from the treetops. You’re sort of like a 28-year cicada. You never really go away, but for a couple of years every few decades, you make so much racket that no one in your generation can forget you. That time is coming, but not until 2018. In the meantime, you need to make personal development your theme. With Jupiter in your career sector, you might believe that means simply getting to work, but that would be a mistake. Your job at the moment isn’t to excel, but rather to grow. You might also benefit from making a few new friends, especially after October 10. They’ll just add the chorus next year when no one can go anywhere without hearing your song.
Your Fashion Mantra for 2017: I’ve worked hard to look this good.
Aquarius: The symbol of the water-bearer is a weird one. I believe it represents a character who is inevitably overcome by all they accumulate. You start life with strong shoulders and a healthy back, but eventually the weight of the world becomes too much to bear. So what can you do about it? Use this year to discover the strength of your character. Lift that vessel overhead as if it’s a set of dumbbells. Don’t allow yourself to be crushed under the weight of everyone else’s “stuff.” Once Jupiter enters your career sector in mid-October, the opportunity to flex your muscles will present itself. In December, your focus will shift to your mental fitness. Still, a healthy mind is nothing without a healthy body, and vice versa. Try to take care of both.
Your Fashion Mantra for 2017: The only person I need to please is myself.
Pisces: Atonement is your theme for 2017, yet there will be plenty of bumps on the road to redemption if you can’t acknowledge that you need to tune-up your own vehicle before you put the pedal to the metal again. However, until mid-October, your personal revolution will come off as nothing more than a crappy paint job if you don’t fix what’s wrong. Stop blaming the other drivers. Stop complaining about the traffic. Figure out why you want to run red lights one minute and slam on the brakes the next. The problem isn’t mechanical: everyone of us has been driving a wreck waiting-to-happen since the day we were born. The only way to avoid a crash is to be sure that you don’t get distracted by things that have nothing to do with your own journey.
Your Fashion Mantra for 2017: Slow and steady wins the race.