Star Struck Style

The sun enters Virgo this morning. I could use a change in the cosmic weather, so I’m looking forward to the next month. Interestingly, I woke up this morning to rain and cool weather. It’s been too hot where I live. I’ve been amassing a fabulous new fall wardrobe and I’ve barely been able to wear any of my new purchases. It’s as if the universe has been mocking me. Mocking me!

But I digress. I’m supposed to be discussing Virgo, the Virgin. Mother Teresa was a Virgo — go figure. My lifelong friend and fellow astrologer Tracy Q. is a Virgo, too. Today I clicked on a link on her Facebook timeline that connected me to another astrologer’s website. I spent the next five minutes laughing out loud at the depiction of the sign. The author argued that the stereotypes associated with the sign are “cartoonish.” Unfortunately, she had presented a ridiculously cartoonish alternative to the stereotype herself.

I don’t want to be accused of being a bully or a troll so I’m not going to provide a link to the site. However, I do want to point out that there is a great divide between astrologers. Take the idiot who recently reviewed my old book on amazon.com., for example. The chief criticism of my sixteen-year-old trade paperback was that you could get much of the same information online. I can assure you that sixteen years ago, I was the only game in town. The only thing more moronic than the ignorance of the reviewer was the notion that anyone would give a rat’s ass about his or her review of a sixteen-year-old out-of-print astrology book.

And that brings me back to Virgo. Virgo is known as the “critic” of the zodiac. I have no problem perpetuating that stereotype. Whoever wrote that bad review of my book was probably a Virgo. The reason I say that is because it is perfectly natural for Virgo natives to bitch about the bitchiness of others. Yesterday, a Virgo pointed me in the direction of the latest edition of “Time”:

Of course, she has noble intentions. But acknowledging that everyone else is mean and bitchy doesn’t mean that you’re off the hook. It’s just like a Virgo individual to have a “come-to-Jesus” moment where they realize that they’ve spent much of their life being overcritical. Next thing you know, they’re off on a rant about how everyone else’s bitchiness is ruining everything.

The one cliche about Virgo that I really like to perpetuate is that they lack the capacity for genuine self-reflection. They are often blind to their biggest faults. This character deficiency makes them see the worst in others while failing to recognize that they aren’t perfect. In my new book, I tell them “At your worst, you can come off as holier-than-thou, as if you believe that you are above reproach. It’s not so bad when you actually live up to your own high standards, but more often than not it just makes you look like a hypocritical bitch who believes that her own shit doesn’t stink.”

I’m not going to lose any sleep if anyone takes offense to that remark. I’m certainly not going to apologize for being an astrologer who deals in cliches. Astrology is about cliches and categories. It’s the Dewey Decimal System of spiritual belief systems. And if anyone should understand that, it should be astrologers and Virgos. I believe that my friend Tracy gets it, but she’s an exception to the rule.

Anyway, I’m just going to go about my business for the next month or so. The sun’s entrance into Virgo corresponds with its entrance into my eleventh house. Right now I should be trying to make friends, not alienate them. I suppose that will be easier now that I can wear my fabulous new fall wardrobe. If there’s one thing that my career as a fashion astrologer has taught me, it’s this: people are way nicer to you when you look good. It’s one of those constants in the universe, like time, space and Virgo bitchiness.