Star Struck Style

It’s been thirty-five years since “People” magazine first awarded the title, and still no Aries man has ever graced the cover of the magazine’s illustrious “Sexiest Man Alive” issue.

This year’s juicy slab of man meat is Michael B. Jordan. He joins the gristly Nick Nolte in an elite club as one of only two Aquarian men to hold the title. With Slim Jim Adam Levine as the sole Pisces native on the list, Aries is the only sign still not represented on this mouth-watering menu of hot beefcake. As a lifelong vegetarian, I can’t believe I just wrote that.

Of course, an astrology expert like me can only conclude that Aries men are not and never will be sexy. Prove me wrong, “People.” Prove me wrong!

Anyway, here’s the updated list of all the men who have earned the title:

Aries: NONE.

Taurus: George Clooney (2 times); Pierce Brosnan; Channing Tatum; David Beckham; Dwayne Johnson.

Gemini: Johnny Depp (2 times); Blake Shelton.

Cancer: Tom Cruise; Harrison Ford.

Leo: Patrick Swayze; Ben Affleck; Chris Hemsworth.

Virgo: Mark Harmon; Sean Connery; Richard Gere (2 times); Idris Elba.

Libra: Matt Damon; Hugh Jackman.

Scorpio: Harry Hamlin; Matthew McConaughey; Ryan Reynolds.

Sagittarius: John F. Kennedy Jr.; Brad Pitt (2 times).

Capricorn: Mel Gibson; Denzel Washington; Jude Law; Bradley Cooper; John Legend.

Aquarius: Nick Nolte; Michael B. Jordan.

Pisces: Adam Levine.