Jared & Ivanka (source: The Guardian)

October 30 is Ivanka Trump’s birthday.

Why do so many rich people have veneers? They rarely look natural, and to me they say “I didn’t take care of my teeth when I was younger so I bought these new ones. Please don’t get too close or you’ll notice the graying borders near my gumline and smell my stinky breath.”

But I digress! I’m supposed to discussing the natal chart of Donald Trump’s favorite daughter. I just looked it up on astrotheme.com, and even without a time of birth, I can confidently state that she’s a stupid c***.

You know, I really have a talent for this astrology stuff . . .