Acne Trainers (source: Mr. Porter)

I don’t make a lot of proclamations about what’s in style and what’s not in style. I’m kind of a snob and I really don’t care what anyone else is wearing. However, I do care about what I wear, and that’s why you won’t see me wearing this season’s hottest footwear.

Ugly trainers are a big deal right now. Modern updates of mid-eighties athletic shoes are everywhere. I do like a little kitsch in my wardrobe, but shoes like the Acne trainers in the photo above are just too obvious for me. I’m a Capricorn and I thrive on the knowledge that I know better than to wear something hideous, even though I might toy with hideousness in my wardrobe just to keep the rest of you on your toes.

Saturn is in Capricorn right now. Jupiter is in Scorpio. Along with Cancer, those are two of the signs that I connect with retro looks. Cancer is more reverential and less likely to poke fun at the past. Scorpio actively transforms the past into something new. Capricorn takes retro looks and reintroduces them in a playful, often ironic fashion.

Considering those planetary placements, it’s no surprise that retro kitsch is a big trend right now. And yet I don’t want anything to do with it. Maybe that says something about me more than it says about the trend. I do have a Capricorn sun, a Cancer moon and Libra rising — all rather grown-up placements. I’ve already lived through these fads, back in the mid-eighties. I don’t need to relive them thirty-some years later.

So, I’m going to stick to what I know best, continuing to forge forward by recognizing what is timely and what is not. That’s what we Capricorns do. We also recognize that not every trend is for everyone. We ascend to the top of the mountain confident in the idea that we have made decisions that are best for ourselves. And believe me, I’m not going to get to the top of the mountain only to look down and discover that I’m wearing ugly fucking shoes.

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