Melania_Trump_Official_Portrait
Melania Trump (source: Wikipedia)

In odd coincidence news, just before I sat down to write the Taurus installment in this ongoing feature on my blog, I read that Melania Trump’s favorite show is “How to Get Away with Murder.”

But I’m not here to talk about how a Taurus woman, for instance, would murder her billionaire husband in order to collect the insurance money while simultaneously earning the eternal gratitude of roughly two-thirds of the US electorate. I’m here to tell you how to lure a Taurus native to his or her untimely demise, like the killer would do in a terrible movie on the Lifetime channel starring Tori Spelling. For the sake of brevity, I will refer to the victim as “her.”

First, you would need to recognize that a Taurus native’s biggest weaknesses are her decadent nature and her innate laziness. In my new book (click the link above to buy a copy or twelve), I actually list Taurean complicity as one of the sign’s most-heinous character traits. Taurus individuals can be “kept,” making them so comfortable in a relationship with a monster that they will turn a blind eye to the monstrosities that monster commits.

To murder her, you need to accept that she can be bought. You need to dangle a carrot in front of her, or something that weighs several carats. If you can’t do that, then appeal to her laziness to lure her into your web. Tell her that you lost six inches off your hips without going to the gym by hooking yourself up to a machine that zaps the fat off your ass. She’ll be so intrigued by the possibility of losing weight without working out that she won’t even bother to question you when you set up an electric chair in her house. Then sit back, relax and watch the magic happen.

Of course, this seems a little less-sophisticated than most murderous schemes, but Taurus natives are some of the least-sophisticated creatures of the zodiac. Don’t overthink this one. And if you don’t have access to an electric chair, dig a deep hole and leave a pie in it. Mission accomplished!

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