Deodorant (source: Walmart)

One of the greatest things about being an astrologer is that we can still generalize about everything without getting into trouble. For instance, I can say that Taurus people are more likely to be fat because they are born under one of the most decadent signs of the zodiac. What are they going to do if they don’t agree with what I said? Sit on me?

Anyway, I am a perfectly serious astrologer. However, that doesn’t mean that I’m perfectly serious. For that reason, I’ve decided to introduce a new category to my blog: The Zodiac Signs Ranked.

The Least-Smelly to Most-Smelly Signs of the Zodiac

#1: Virgo — In theory, Virgos are picky, neurotic and prone to obsessive-compulsive disorder. They wash a lot, and that’s why they are unlikely to reek.

#2: Capricorn — Capricorns rarely stink up the room because they’re ultimately concerned with status and where they fit into the world. Usually, that’s not with a smelly crowd.

#3: Cancer — A Cancer native can be rather insular and eager to exercise control of his or her domestic environment. They like washing both themselves and others.

#4: Leo — It’s uncommon for someone who loves the spotlight as much as a Leo to stink, and if they do, they cover it up well with plenty of eye-watering perfume.

#5: Scorpio — A Scorpio individual can become obsessive about anything, and that includes personal hygiene. Even if they do stink, don’t point it out or they’ll try to kill you.

#6: Gemini — Geminis change their clothes a lot, so they typically don’t get to be very ripe. The Olsen twins may be the exception to this rule.

#7: Aquarius — Sociable Aquarius natives don’t normally smell bad. If they do, they appreciate it when you tell them their breath could peel paint off the wall.

#8: Libra — In theory, refined Libra should be near the top of this list. In practice, Libra individuals can be lazy, wallowing in their own filth for days at a time.

#9: Aries — It’s not that Aries natives don’t like to wash; they just like the smell of their own armpits. To each his own!

#10: Pisces — Covering up the smell of booze with mouthwash isn’t always the most-effective strategy to smelling your best.

#11: Taurus — It’s not that Taurus individuals smell bad, but that they normally smell like deep-fried food and cigarettes. Some people dig it!

#12: Sagittarius — Idealistic Sagittarians are the most likely individuals to stop wearing deodorant out of principle. They also wear foot fungus and Che Guevara T-shirts like a badge of honor.


  1. Mm, no, I would not agree with all of this.
    Capricorn – in my experience – always smell terrible (bad diet/ smoking, etc.). Likewise, a lot of Scorpios (too much living it up – or down).
    I flatshared with a Scorpio who smelt like death (walking dustbin). It literally did not occur to them to wash or clean anything, ever. I told them they stunk, and they moved out to share with someone presumably equally stinky.
    Aquarius have good digestion, and smell gorgeous. Cancer men have OCD and an addiction to showering. I have never caught them out yet!!
    – Aries female


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