Star Struck Style

Despite the fact that I’ve been a fitness trainer for the past forty years, I’ve lived with some degree of body dysmorphia for most of my life. I’ve just never been satisfied with how I look, even when I’m 100% confident that I look better than almost everyone else around me.

Anyway, I was very happy to remove my bandage after my surgery six weeks ago to see my new, improved belly button. My hernia had turned my innie to an outie, and I hated the way it looked.

Now I need to turn my focus back onto the flabbiness of my abdomen. I don’t have enough self-control over my diet to stop exercising for as long as I did during my recovery without porking out, so I’m pretty sure that I’ve gained a few pounds. On the bright side, I’m feeling optimistic after teaching a couple of bike classes at the gym and not feeling as if I was going to die after my brief hiatus. At the same time, my complexion looks great for a guy my age, and I’m full of energy now that the spring weather has finally arrived. I can probably get back to looking the way I want to look without having to take any drastic measures. I know that because I’ve been through this many times before.

Curiously, Chiron is forming a trine to my natal Mercury, and these health matters are on my mind — including my somewhat irrational relationship with how I perceive myself. “Café Astrology” offers the following interpretation of the transit that will be in effect until spring next year:

“This quality of time will help you to develop a deeper understanding of those psychological areas that are connected with the experience of pain, suffering and rejection. Often these experiences took place in the distant past, in early childhood or at the onset of puberty. Being put down or rejected during these especially sensitive years leaves wounds and scars behind, which adults — mostly without realizing it — feel as anxiety about their own body, feelings of inadequacy, or even worse, their own inferiority. Such sensitivities can affect our feelings about life and interpersonal relationships. We may want to avoid deep emotional experiences for fear of new pain or unconsciously hurt others. Many people spend a lot of energy fighting off these feelings.

This is a good time to understand the complicated connections and dependencies between human behavior, the psyche and such early injuries. Learn to differentiate between cause and effect, and try to pursue possible forms and ways of healing. The injury itself can become a symbol of what is necessary to become whole again. During this phase, it is important to talk to other people who are also dealing with this issue. See yourself in others and others in yourself — this fosters a direct understanding more than any discussion.”

I hope that this transit can be positive. I’d be happy to be leaner, but I’d also be happy to stop being so sensitive about the way I look. Objectively speaking, I know how I stack up against the other guys my age, so I don’t know what my problem is except that these issues go back to my childhood and the way I was spoken to by my brothers, my mother, and other random bullies. I get it. I just wish that I could get over it. Maybe this is the sort of planetary alignment that will allow that to happen.