Marty (source: Telegraph-Journal)

“Big Brother Canada” Season 10 premiered last night.

I’ve discussed how much I would love to be on a show like “Big Brother” several times on this blog. I’ve even gone to tryouts before. After a while, though, I realized that I would probably never be cast on the Canadian version of “Big Brother” because they never cast anyone my age. When I tried out for the first season of the show, I was already older than this season’s token older player, Marty. The funny thing is that I’m pretty sure that I look younger than him. After watching last night’s episode, I’m also pretty sure that I could kick the asses of a lot of the people in the house. I’ve been a fitness trainer since 1986, and I’m still kicking the asses of the people who attend my classes every time I step into the gym.

Anyway, I still would love to be cast on the show. Next time auditions open up, I should make my advanced age my “hook” in my audition video. Maybe if I accuse the show of discriminating against old people then they would consider putting someone like me on the cast. They don’t like being accused of exclusion.

Unfortunately, I have realized that my enthusiasm for the actual game of “Big Brother” probably wouldn’t be enough for me to get a callback. I’m just not desperate enough to be cast on the Canadian version of the show. I sometimes compare myself to an American BB contestant named Cody who turned out to be the greatest anti-hero in the history of “Big Brother” simply because of his hostility toward all the desperate fame-whores with whom he shared the BB house. He actually went on to win the “Amazing Race.”

To me, that’s what is lacking from “Big Brother Canada.” They never cast anyone who has the balls to buck the production company’s idiotic insistence that everyone must be a fucking caricature of themselves 24/7. Still, every season that has been remotely entertaining has only become entertaining once the cast drop the pretense that they display in their annoying casting videos. Halfway through the season, when all the non-players are eliminated, the show usually gets good.

For that reason, I don’t really understand why overt desperation is so appealing to the casting agents who work on the show. Right now, I’m trying to figure out why I have been lacking in ambition when it comes to promoting my own creative projects (including this blog), so the notion of desperation is on my mind. But does that mean that I’m going suddenly make an about-face and decide that being desperate is my ticket to stardom now that the sun is about to conjoin Jupiter in my fifth house?

Probably not. Acting like a fucking idiot every time a camera is pointed toward me just isn’t in my stars. For that reason, “Big Brother Canada” probably isn’t in my stars, either. C’est la vie!

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