Blake Shelton (source: People)

Once again, the “Sexiest Man Alive” is not an Aries.

In thirty-two years of publishing its annual compendium of sexy guys, “People” magazine has never once awarded its coveted title to an Aries man. As the antithesis of everything that is Aries, nothing makes me happier. I’m an obnoxiously competitive guy, and beating Aries natives just for the sake of beating them feeds my soul.

Anyway, here’s the updated list for 2017. The earth signs are still killing it.

Aries: NONE.

Taurus: George Clooney (2 times); Pierce Brosnan; Channing Tatum; David Beckham; Dwayne Johnson.

Gemini: Johnny Depp (2 times); Blake Shelton.

Cancer: Tom Cruise; Harrison Ford.

Leo: Patrick Swayze; Ben Affleck; Chris Hemsworth.

Virgo: Mark Harmon; Sean Connery; Richard Gere (2 times).

Libra: Matt Damon; Hugh Jackman.

Scorpio: Harry Hamlin; Matthew McConaughey: Ryan Reynolds.

Sagittarius: John F. Kennedy Jr.; Brad Pitt (2 times).

Capricorn: Mel Gibson; Denzel Washington; Jude Law; Bradley Cooper.

Aquarius: Nick Nolte.

Pisces: Adam Levine.

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