Star Struck Style

Tomorrow is my sixtieth birthday. I had planned on spending this milestone event in Las Vegas until America reelected Donald Fucking Trump as President.

I spent my fiftieth birthday there. I visited the Forum Shops at Caesars Palace where Spago used to be located. My friends and I dined there at the exact place where Cristal Connors told Nomi Malone that she liked nice tits in “Showgirls.” On that same trip, I bought a beautiful pair of Bally sneakers that I wore regularly until earlier this year when they finally wore out.

I’m trying to not spend money that I haven’t made yet, but I felt the need to buy a pair of Canali sneakers on the Holt Renfrew website this morning. I justified the purchase as a birthday present to myself to celebrate this new decade I’m about to enter. Canali is a grown-up label for a grown-up man like me. I want this purchase to set the tone for my sixties. As they say in the L’Oreal commercials, “I’m worth it.”

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go slather my face with the L’Oreal moisturizer I use every day in order to not look my age while I get ready for the sun and Venus to form a conjunction atop my natal sun. It’s a good day to be me. Maybe Donald Trump will drop dead and make it even better . . .