Star Struck Style

For years, I chronicled the fact that an Aries man had never been named “People” magazine’s “Sexiest Man Alive.” That all changed when Paul Rudd earned the title a few years ago. Since then, my mind has wandered (as it typically does), and I stopped keeping score. However, others have picked up where I left off, including the astrologers who write for “People.” Fucking hacks!

Anyway, I’m not going to worry about what other so-called astrology writers have to say about the subject because I’ve been ripped off so many times that I’ve grown numb to it. But I am going to update my list just so I can revisit it in the future when I need a good laugh at the expense of Aries and Pisces men. I’m a Capricorn, like six of the guys on this list, so I can get away with it . . .

Aries: Paul Rudd.

Taurus: George Clooney (2 times); Pierce Brosnan; Channing Tatum; David Beckham; Dwayne Johnson; Jonathan Bailey.

Gemini: Johnny Depp (2 times); Blake Shelton; Chris Evans.

Cancer: Tom Cruise; Harrison Ford.

Leo: Patrick Swayze; Ben Affleck; Chris Hemsworth.

Virgo: Mark Harmon; Sean Connery; Richard Gere (2 times); Idris Elba.

Libra: Matt Damon; Hugh Jackman; John Krasinski.

Scorpio: Harry Hamlin; Matthew McConaughey: Ryan Reynolds.

Sagittarius: John F. Kennedy Jr.; Brad Pitt (2 times).

Capricorn: Mel Gibson; Denzel Washington; Jude Law; Bradley Cooper; John Legend; Patrick Dempsey.

Aquarius: Nick Nolte; Michael B. Jordan.

Pisces: Adam Levine.