Star Struck Style

Today is my last shift as a full-time employee at the job I’ve had for the past five-and-a-half years. I am so thrilled to be quitting my job that I can barely contain myself. Looking back at all the bitchy posts I’ve written over the years makes me feel like a fool for sticking around so long. Just a moment ago, I stumbled across this passage I wrote in 2018 before I even started working at my current job that made feel even more foolish:

“I’ve never been an uncooperative person, although some people would describe me that way because I do stand my ground when they make terrible decisions that affect my well-being. I could never work for someone like Donald Trump because I would spend my time screaming ‘I told you that is what would happen if you didn’t listen to me!’ However, I can be a pushover when people appeal to my desire for peace and harmony. When they say ‘This will be great for all of us!’, I sometimes agree without critically evaluating the situation. When I finally realize that I am shouldering all the responsibility for someone else, it’s too late. My sense of duty doesn’t allow me to quit, even though I know I’m being used.”

I’m glad that my current focus on my well-being finally prevailed over my sense of duty. I’m already feeling better about everything. Just yesterday, I went outside to fill up a bird feeder in one of my crabapple trees and I was reminded that I might actually get the chance to stop and smell the blossoms this spring. Making the decision to take this time for myself is one of the smartest things I’ve ever done for myself. If this is the climax of my second Saturn return, I’ll take it.

I have been “shouldering all the responsibility for someone else” for far too long. Now that I’m no longer doing that, I feel as if the weight of the world is no longer on my shoulders. Without that pressure on me, perhaps I can find something to do that puts a smile on my face. I’m not a miserable person. In fact, I’m a flake who dreams of flowering crabapple trees and birdwatching. I need to be that guy every day of my life.

One more shift to go . . .