Star Struck Style

I can’t believe that New Year’s Day is just four weeks away! Where I live, we’re having the mildest winter we’ve had since 1996, and it feels more like October than December. When the weather is like this, the short days and long nights don’t even feel oppressive. It does wonders for my mood, so 2023 might actually end on a high note.

Anyway, it’s that time when many of us so-called writers compose lists of things to summarize the year that was. It’s become a tradition on this blog for me to rank the zodiac signs from one-to-twelve based upon who has annoyed me the most over the last several months. There are rarely any surprises on this annual list because I don’t exactly disguise my biases behind a fake smile and a big lie like so many Geminis. Whoops! There I go again, giving away the ending before I’ve even begun. Or did I?

But I digress! This list is about me and my perceptions. I know that people stumble across my blog posts and take issue with my biases, but that won’t stop me from telling everyone exactly what I think. So don’t leave me a nasty comment on any of my social media sites to let me know that I’ve got you all wrong, or to tell me that I don’t understand astrology because I’m perpetuating sun-sign stereotypes when I goof around by publishing posts like this. Just go get your own fucking blog already, and stop trying to ruin the rest of my year.

#12: Aquarius — When you Aquarians feel the unique, Uranian side of your astrological makeup, you stand out in the crowd for all the right reasons. When you feel the stubborn, Saturnian side of your nature, you can be the biggest pricks who ever walked the face of the earth. Case in point: Jim Jordan, Kevin McCarthy and newly-elected Speaker of the House Mike Johnson all share your zodiac sign. My preoccupation with American politics won’t let me forget just how terrible you can be when you don’t get your own way.

#11: Gemini — Well, you’re not last on the list. Still, as long as Donald Trump lives and breathes, you’re not going anywhere, Gemini.

#10: Capricorn — You know I’m on your team. However, since Saturn entered Pisces, some of you have made irrationality, paranoia and inconsistency your own personal brand. Don’t let the voices in your head speak on your behalf. You’re smarter than that, Capricorn.

#9: Virgo — Your control-freak nature has been challenged throughout the year, Virgo. But instead of giving in, you’ve just pushed back harder, claiming to be the victim in situations when you’ve clearly been the perpetrator. 2024 is your year to acknowledge that sometimes it’s okay to let others take the lead.

#8: Pisces — Con artists have been whispering conspiracy theories in your ears for so long that you’ve started to believe them, Pisces. You may claim that you’ve “done your research,” but you haven’t vetted your sources. People are taking advantage of you. Stop believing the “eXPeRts” and start believing the experts.

#7: Cancer — There is one word to describe how some of you have been behaving lately, and that word is “intractable.” If you use the next year to learn why it’s your way or the highway, you might discover that the people around you are willing to do your bidding when you occasionally let them take the wheel.

#6: Taurus — You’ve been keeping to yourself lately, but that’s okay. You’re not really bothering anyone, so don’t start now.

#5: Scorpio — Subconsciously, you’ve been sending out all the right signals, Scorpio. But maybe you could actually let people know how you feel with your own words. You will regret not opening up if you don’t it soon.

#4: Libra — You’re feeling like your old self again! Your collaborative nature is back to what it was before the pandemic, and you just want everyone to get along. Nevertheless, those eyerolls that you make anytime anyone doesn’t want to work with you are not going unnoticed. Try to keep some things to yourself in the new year, including your derision toward idiots.

#3: Leo — Some of you have actually been heroic over the past year or so, taking on burdens that were not yours to bear. The graciousness that defines your sun sign seems to be eclipsing the selfishness that sometimes sees you at your worst. Keep it up, Leo, and you might top this list in 2024!

#2: Aries — Your innate combativeness seems to have subsided as of late. Instead, you would rather go about your own business without getting into fights over things that aren’t worth fighting for. You’re learning how to be a better version of yourself. Thankfully, that means less yelling at the rest of us.

#1: Sagittarius — Somehow you crept up to the top of this list without anyone noticing, Sagittarius. You didn’t have to shout, you didn’t have to fight, and you barely needed to toot your own horn. Instead, you relied upon your own competence to get the job done without having to tell everyone what a great job you were doing. It was a truly memorable year for the best of you. What’s more, the planets might make next year just as memorable.